Jesus risks losing limbs, cheats on Madonna

Jesus is one brave guy. His vampire lady releases him for a few days and he goes hunting for his own prey (you have to admit though, fresh meat does taste delicious after a long fasting period).

According to the Sun, Jesus was seen tenderly clasping lingerie model Luciana Costa as they swayed to the music in his home city of Rio. Jesus held 31-year-old Luciana close and whispered in her ear — and onlookers claimed they started kissing. One reveller said: “Jesus was the hit of the party and all the girls went wild for him when he arrived. “But Luciana was more interested than most and soon got hold of him for a dance.” “He’d had a little to drink and it seemed clear he was after something.”

Early the next day the pair were snapped as they ventured out for a Sunday stroll. But yesterday the chiquita insisted she and male model Jesus were “old friends having fun”. She said of the party: “We both love to dance so were dancing and catching up, talking about our careers. “On the Sunday we went for a walk with friends we have in common. “Jesus had great things to say about Madonna and he doesn’t care that she is so much older.”

Why do we think the “much older” comment will piss Madonna more than the infidelity? Now, she’ll also have to eat the girl’s head…

Meanwhile, Jesus’s mommy, who is 13 younger than his scary girlfriend, has spoken for the first time about her son dating Madge:”My son came home so happy after his first photo session with Madonna. He even opened a bottle of champagne.”

Sure he did, mommy. He hit the “motherload” and all he has to do is let her suck blood when she’s feeling thirsty…