Are you perplexed as to what to get a friend in rehab? Are you worried you won’t be able to find the perfect gift for your alcoholic friend? Want to break up with your girlfriend with a gift that lets her know you’re a loser? Fret no more, because Amy Winehouse is here to rescue you from your gift-giving troubles.
Record executives at EMI, fearful that Amy is now better at simulating a baboon relieving itself in the middle of the jungle than at writing songs and performing on stage, have found a new innovative way to keep the cash cow going: by rolling out a new range of cards and wrapping paper using her doom and gloom lyrics.
Jonathan Channon, EMI Music Publishing Europe vice president, said: “We are looking to create innovative revenue streams from our songs with mainstream retailers and the Amy wrapping paper and gift cards received a very positive response. These are songs which already have a great resonance with the public.”
“The first item in the Winehouse range will be wrapping paper with the chorus of Rehab emblazoned all over it.”
“The Amy-branded cards are classy too. You Know I’m No Good is best for heartfelt apologies and Back To Black, with an appropriate wreath, will be the respectful response to a bereavement.”
More like bad taste than class…but then again, Amy Winehouse is the poster child for bad taste in just about everything (and we’re not just talking about the after-taste and bad breath she ends up with after making out with a St.Lucian chimp up on the coconut tree).
god strike this bitch down please, SMIGHT HER ALMIGHTY SMITER!