Fake celeb Heidi Montag prepares her undoubtedly disasterous stage premiere

It’s real, guys. God knows how it happened, but useless pea-brained meat puppet Heidi was green-lit to vomit out her horrid musical mess onto the ears of the world for the Miss Universe pageant.

Maybe her performing for ‘Miss Blonde Slut’ or ‘Miss Bleach-For-Brains’ would be appropriate, but we thought Universe had at least a tiny shred of validity left.

To make matters worse (or more awesome, depending on how you look at it) reports have surfaced that Heidi won’t even be lip-syncing.  It’s like she’s invented another fake world for herself where she has the talent to do this kind of thing, or maybe … just maybe this kind of crap doesn’t actually take any talent. Uh oh. No one tell Britney.