Sex & The City II renamed: That 80's Freak Show

Hey, you know how when faced with the dilemma of fathering an offspring or being blissfully childless leads you to the impulsive decision to roast your nutsacks in a tub of scalding water? Why go to such drastic measures? Just get a copy of Sex & The City Part 2 DVD (or if the need to numb your testicles is urgent just go ahead and download the unofficial version…authorities will understand your plight).

And for those of you who had your balls betray you, just show your kids these pictures and tell them if they don’t stop pestering you while you’re trying to watch those two nice, pretty ladies fighting in the mud naked, the boogeywomen with the frizzy hair, and evil chins (especially the one with the hairy mole) will come to claw their eyes out when they fall asleep.

Seriously, why can’t we be like the ancient Egyptians and built giant fortresses/tombs for our mummies when we bury them? That way they’ll be s**t out of luck when they try to get out in hope of convincing the idiots of the world that they are alive enough to play in a movie that has Sex in its title…