That henna tattoo Jessica Simpson got in India a few days ago must have been made out of poisoned turmeric because she’s hallucinating…and in her hallucinations she’s a member of Mensa with a brain way, way bigger than her boobs. Yes people, the dimwit who thought Chicken Of The Sea was actually chicken and not tuna knows what she wants out of her next relationship: A guy with brains.
“I don’t want to get bored,” she tells Extra in an interview airing today. “I can bore out pretty easily, so I love intellectual men … people that will always keep me intrigued.”
“I definitely love a spiritual man — somebody that is going to always inspire me.”
“And, you know, I love artistic men — somebody that really understands their art.”
Ok, so pretty much Jessica Simpson is asking the world to make a hybrid out of Dalai Lama, Einstein and John Mayer (it’s the way his hair moves while he plays the guitar) and if this creature ends up with her, he’ll have to convince himself that burying his face inbetween her boob folds is fair trade…that is if he can keep himself from trying to commit suicide by refusing to come up for air…which bears a high probability since Tony Romo and Nick Lachey who can boast about 120 points on the IQ scale combined, dumped her as soon as they realized that staying at her chest no longer provided the necessary mind numbing shot they needed to block out the parts where her mouth was open and actually wanted to talk instead of work.
Poor girl. She’s delusional.
It must be nice to have the world as your own dating service. On the other hand, she’s everything I’m looking for in a woman- rich with big tits and able to accept whatever line of bull pucky I am currently handing her. “No that wasn’t sex with your female backup dancers I was having, we were doing a form of yogic stretching that opens up the chakra and what you were witnessing whas a release of the Kubdalini energy coiled at the bases of our spines. I’ll write a song about it. Now buy me a boat.