Rihanna promotes album by talking about big dicks and masturbating, Chris Brown to promote his by talking about her

If there’s anyone who doesn’t know Rihanna has an album out called Rated R, then she wants to do something about it…preferably by speaking in a language their d**k antennas can receive loud and clear.

After telling the world all she wants for Christmas is a big Super Soaker to have fun with and that in the absence of a d**k-sneyland she has no problem pleasing herself (“I don’t miss sex because I still have fun by myself. You get what I mean?”) she went on to overshare with a British journalist who simply turned up to talk to her about her  album that she had mind-blowing, leg-bruising sex (“I don’t want my legs in the shot. I’ve got a few bruises down there. I had some EXPLOSIVE sex last night.”)

Meanwhile, Chris Brown’s new album is coming out on December 8, and he is scheduled to appear on ABC’s Good Morning America on December 11 to discuss the physical altercation with Rihanna that made him public enemy number one. According to sources, Chris will speak more in-depth about what took place the night of the fight.

Here’s Rihanna getting soaked in London (unfortunately for her it was not the kind of soaking she wants for Christmas) due to her Umbrella, ella, ella, malfunction over the weekend.