Pete Wentz posts mauled face on Twitter

Pete Wentz has posted pictures of his mutilated face on Twitter and has asked fans to guess what happened to him. We’d personally like to think Ashley Simpson got tired of the little gremlin constantly dry-humping her leg and gave him the beating of his life.

Wentz uploaded a series of images of himself with cuts, scratches, bruises and blood all over his face. He refused to reveal the cause of the injuries, instead posting a list of possible “excuses” for his appearance.

He wrote: “Several unsightly wounds are scattered around my face and eyes. Choose your own excuse… My face was badly bludgeoned because.  you decide.”

A) Latenight game of “face jousting” gone horribly right. B) Called Perez a gay slur. C) Called Will.I.Am “Perez.” D) In a Nyquil-induced haze I confused my own reflection with my estranged brother, David Archuletta. Ran into mirror full-speed.

The accompanying list also included: “I was wasted. You should see the other guy,” “Realised my sex appeal was getting in the way of my art, like Brad Pitt and Matt Damon,”Watched Fight Club in like, super hi-def dude,” “Bored,” “Fell for the old “face-wash/sulfuric acid switcheroo,” and “Emo self-mutilation”.

He even tried to blame his 13-month-old son Bronx, writing: “Keep meaning to cut Bronx’s nails.”

Pete attempted to make his injuries more mysterious when a fan posted a messages saying “looks like you got beat up!”
He replied: “much deeper than that i wish i could explain it alll. they got what they deserved (sic).”

He then posted a message reading: “kind of like that in moment in fight club when you taste your own blood and it tastes like iron and salt and it is a drug. does anyone know where I can get some vintage chanel sutures? (sic).”

And that’s when we realized Pete Wentz was probably embroiled in a pink pillow fight with Perez Hilton the aftermath of which involved lots of “vintage chanel sutures” applied in each other’s wounded orifices. Vintage Chanel sutures? Seriously?