Eva Mendes and her obstructed breasts for Calvin Klein

Here’s Eva Mendes in the much anticipated “topless” Calvin Klein Jeans Ad and we would like to take this opportunity to note that the definition of “topless” does not include in any way breasts that are lying under a damn wood beam and shaded to such a degree that even Superman would have trouble picking up nipple imagery with his x-ray vision. Seriously, it’s like watching Extreme Makeover:Home Edition only thing the bus never moves and instead of the new house you’re left staring at the fat lady who’s pissed herself from joy. Not Fair!