Heidi Klum topless for Allure Magazine

Heidi Klum posed topless for the April Issue of Allure magazine, basically with the sole intention of driving 99.99% of American women who haven’t even given birth yet into a nightmare world of carrot and celery sticks and proving that the Nazi experiment of producing superior genetic beings with the ability to give birth to a litter of kids and be in a bathing suit before the nurse cuts the umbilical cord was a success.

In the interview, Heidi talks about how she stays young by avoiding the sun and applying lots of sunscreen. Damn, is that what she’s covered in? Coppertone? And here we were thinking it was the result of an overzealous Seal…because let’s face it, this woman is probably able to conceive through her breast pores by now.