We swear we're having sex. Now can you please watch our movie?

Here’s Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston at the New York premiere of their movie The Bounter Hunter last night, still pretending they have sweaty and passionate sex that leads to them falling asleep in each others arms every night. Which is completely unbelievable come to think of it, not because his penis has Attention Deficit Disorder or because her idea of a quiet evening at home is pinning more needles on her collection of Angelina Jolie Voodoo dolls, but because last night she was wrapped in a corpse shroud without her vagina pointing directly at Gerard Butler’s steely blue eyes. And you know that’s definitely not how The Butler rolls (“Ok, sugar listen up. See that dark, obstructed spot on the red carpet? We have exactly 30 seconds to get it on before the cameras get over their blind spot. You with me?”)