Jay-Z and Beyonce Like to Give Each Other Retardedly Expensive Gifts

As we reported early this month Beyonce got Jay-Z a $2,000,000 ride for his birthday, a Bugatti Veyron Grand Sport. Well not to be outdone Jay-Z got the “independent woman”  $350,000 worth of Birkin bags, you know, to carry around all of that diamond encrusted stuff she probably has. You might think that price tag pales in comparison to the cool $2 million that Beyonce spent. However, in September, Jay bought Beyonce a $20,000,000 private island off the shore of Florida.

According to the New York Post:

Beyonce got some sweet gifts yesterday. Her husband, Jay-Z, was spotted shopping at Hermes’ plush Madison Avenue boutique on Christmas Eve. A spy reports, “Jay was in a private room of Hermes doing last-minute shopping. He had a guard standing watch outside. He spent $350,000 on Birkin bags, among other things.” The buying binge took so long, Jay-Z missed his scheduled lunch at Nello, prompting the restaurateur to deliver his food to the store. Jay-Z has plenty to spend — he’s getting $1 million to perform at the opening of the Cosmopolitan hotel and casino in Vegas on New Year’s Eve.

Having googled Birkin bags, I found that they look, to my ignorant eyes, exactly like the ones at Target for $29.99. Purpose of both: You tote things in it and on occasion, perhaps use it assault gun-wielding maniacs.

The only thing Jay could’ve given his wife that might genuinely surprise her is a small sovereign nation that he paid mercenaries to overthrow and reclaim as Beyonceland (or Beyonconia, Beyoncestein, or what have you). Otherwise, they just have to add to each other’s collections of luxury goods.

But I get where they are coming from, when I have a sad day, I totally retreat to my diamond house and make love on mink. Except that I disguise the diamonds with peeling wood and the mink is bred to look and feel like clearance sheets from Walmart. I’m thoughtful to the neighbors that way.