Beyonce in her pajamas in Brazil

Ok, we know we’re probably a bit overzealous with covering Beyonce’s and Alicia Keys’ visit to Brazil, but somewhere in between the singing and the saving of slumdog children by climbing up on their roofs in white Jesus attire we were hoping for a ghetto butt-off that would invariably lead to either one of them sitting on the other’s face and making a quiche out of it or a butt-to-butt collision which would make those government bulldozers coming for the shanties completely unnecessary. It could totally have gone either way.