Jessica Simpson eats the stove at Chilli Cookout

Jessica Simpson  was supposed to be singing at the 99.9 Kiss Country Chili Cookoff at C.B. Smith Park in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, but she was nowhere to be seen. Panicked organizers had to quickly replace her and the only one available was jumbo the elephant who appeared on stage a bit frazzled, wearing a big blonge wig and high waisted mom jeans. Perhaps it was the jeans which were cutting his circulation at the waist. In all seriousness, we are going to take a short break and go watch a few scenes from Dukes of Hazzard…and weep for the loss of our favorite scatterbrained bimbo.