Jessica Simpson NOT using her breasts to bring Haitians relief

While we’re all disappointed that Jessica Simpson did not hop on John Travolta’s private jet to assist starving children in Haiti by means of breast-feeding them (which is not really far-fetched if you think about it…Salma Hayek did it, so why not Jessica?), at least her humanitarian efforts are making more sense than John Travolta’s attempts to have Haitians look at trees and dirt while his scientology “ministers” work up a sweat stealing their thoughts and soul so they can offer them to their alien galactic ruler Xemu.

Jessica is organizing a shoe drive (together with Nashville-based shoe charity soles$souls) to collect at least 50,000 shoes in 50 days for Haiti which will be a big help for victims walking amidst dangerous earthquake rubble…that’s of course assuming she doesn’t send over 4-inch platforms in which case we’re going back to her breasts and urging her to urgently send those down…they’re definitely a much safer relief tool.