John Mayer's penis has never trimmed Kristin Cavallari's hedges, take his word for it

John Mayer is a songwriter and as such he is a poet at work…a master with words, just like Shakespeare. So when it comes to de rumours about him dating Kristin Cavallari, John poured his soul out and twittered these tender words:

Such is my love, to thee I so belong,
That for thy right myself will bear all wrong.

Oh, crap, we pasted the wrong love syrup. The above is Shakespeare. The following is master John Mayer. Enjoy:

“Rumor control: How do I put this like a gentleman…I have never high-fived Kristin Cavallari with my penis.”

– “I’m sure she’s a wonderful gal but we have never tasted the Skittles Rainbow together.”

– “My Milli has never slam danced with her Vanilli.”

– “I have never Bensoned her Hedges, nor have I attempted to Bartle her James.”