Madonna wants to conceive baby Jesus with the Brazilian Jesus…Apocalyptic Sign #1

Madonna is craving another kid, everyone, and this time she doesn’t want to blackmail a piss-pour country to get it. Believe it or not, this one involves her sarcophagus of a uterus and toyboy Jesus’s sperms making their way through her war-torn fallopian tubes.

But because three things are more likely to happen a) his sperms commit suicide when they realize they’ve entered Hell and that their skills acquired from mastering God Of War 3 are useless there, b) they are killed by cholera or bubonic plague upon entering or c) the one or two that manage to survive find that they’d have better luck finding unfossilized eggs if they crawled back into the urethra and the prostrate gland and searched in their owner’s recti in which case, an immaculate conception might be the necessary route…assuming Satan can take the day off to pay her a visit.

Via The Sun:

The Queen of Pop – who already has four kids – has consulted doctors about conceiving another child at the age of 51, pals said.

Brazilian Jesus, who at 22 is less than half Madge’s age, has told her that becoming a father would be “his greatest adventure”.