Rihanna is a star-spangled bang-her

Oh say can you slut? Rihanna sure as hell can. She’s shooting off her sparklers for all the world to see. The chart-topping, nearly-topless singer celebrated the Fourth by wearing an itty-bitty barely-legal blazer and star nipple pasties to a party at Tao nightclub in Las Vegas. About as good an attempt at patriotism as wearing a American-flag condom while getting an HJ from a $5 hooker.

We wish we could sink our teeth into her apple pie, don’t get us wrong, but it seems someone else may have beaten us to it. RiRi was photographed hanging out with one of Jay-Z’s longtime (and married!) friends at the event. His Jigga-ness and Jamie Foxx were in attendance as well. We can neither confirm nor deny that they were peeking at her twin peaks, but all signs point to “hell yes.” Considering the festive occasion, she looked a bit depressed, even after chugging down a fair bit of bubbly.

In these economic times, we hope she ‘goes green’ next year and just shows up in bald Eagle body point.