Tila Tequila still mourning in private…aka over 160 tweets

By Sunday night, Tila Tequila realized they’d be tons of guards at Casey Johnson’s funeral so her chances of stealing her corpse come night and shoot an impromptu video with the two getting married (Joe Francis filming the b-roll and blessing the matrimony) would be next to nothing so she had to improvise. Ok, so forced abortion doesn’t compare with marriage to dead people, but it would do:

“Why do I tweet so much? Even BEFORE Casey passed away? BECAUSE I HAVE NO FRIENDS! THERE! THE TRUTH COMES OUT! Just pray 4 her please!”

“PPL say I need 2 get off twitter & grieve with friends & family . . . WHERE? I DONT HAVE ANY! Casey was my only family & my Dogs! Worst day ever,”

“I got pregnant and my boyfriend at the time hit me in the stomach with a hammer & I got a miscarriage,”

“It makes me cry if I think about my life growing up but then I cry tears of JOY to see how far I have come from that life!!! Thank u GOD!”

Meanwhile, Larry King canceled Tequila’s guest spot on his Tuesday night tribute to Johnson after calls from the late heiress’ friends and family urged him to nix her appearance.

Attorneys representing Jasmine Lennard, one of Casey’s former frenemies, also threatened CNN that Tequila could spell trouble for the network if she was given time to repeat allegedly false claims about their client on-air.

And because even leprechauns with loose morals know a weak spot when they see one, Tequila hit back on Tuesday that those with a penchant for dwarfish porn don’t even bother watching an old man getting pinched under the desk by an eager intern so he doesn’t choke on his tongue when he falls asleep on air:

“I’m not pushing for them to change their minds cuz honestly, my fanbase demographic and to the people that matter to my career dont watch Larry King,” she responded to E! “Yes he is a huge credible person, but really not someone a young demographic of people watch.”

And if you were wondering how long it takes for pubic hair to grow an entire colony, we’re pretty sure Tequila knows the answer because she hasn’t changed her sheets in, oh, at least 3 weeks?

“You are going to be SOOOOOOO proud of me this week Wifey!”

“I love you SO much! Your pillows still smell just like you . . . ”

Ah, who knew gifts in such small packages would keep on giving, and giving, and giving…