Dear Shae, How can I get my mom to treat me like an adult?

I’m 43 years old and she still trips on me when I come home past midnight. I shouldn’t have a curfew at this age homie. She is also constantly nagging at me to find a “real” job. I have a real job, I work for Subway as a sign twirler on Saturdays and every other Sunday. I twirl in Hollywood so I’m on the street where I get seen by hundreds of people everyday. Maybe one day some big fish will see me and cast me, know what I’m sayin?  During the week I go to auditions because that is my dream to become an actor and have my own show one day.  Sign twirlin in Hollywood, auditions, and clubbing are all stepping stones to my dream. Everytime I get a gig as an extra, I am that much closer to superstardom. Please help me tell my mom that she should lay off me a bit. I need the money I make so I can get to my auditions and use the little extra for when I go out to the clubs. You know what I’m sayin? Our house is paid for, so I don’t think it’s fair of her to demand rent when she knows I need every penny I earn. She also says I should chip in for the groceries since she’s buying and cooking the food that I like. I’m not a picky eater and I will eat whatevers so, anyways, she can just buy what she normally does because I eat the same food too.  Please give me a way to ask her to back off and let me concentrate on finding my star! Thanks in advance
 – Christopher H.


Dear Christopher H,
Does the H stand for ‘Homie’? Seriously? So let me get this straight, you’re 43, living at home, mom still making you meals, cleaning up after you, shopping for you, etc…I’m assuming rent free because you need your $480/mo (based on $10/hr x 4 (8hr Saturdays) + 2 (8hr Sundays) = Swagger for the clubs and bus pass) Am I right so far? I’m assuming $10 bucks an hours because that’s what the sign ninja by my house makes twirling for El Pollo Loco. Anyways, I’m calculating the maximum cash money amount, according to the data you’ve given.
Ok winner, so based on everything above,  let’s clarify the issues. Your mom has given you a 12 o’clock curfew, nags at you to get a real job so that you can contribute and help her out a little financially. Is she asking for your entire paycheck? Or just a little here and there to replace the toilet paper surplus she used up to wipe your ass? Look, I’m all for following your dreams but it sounds like you need a little less dreaming and a lot more reality in your life. Be thankful she is allowing you to live rent free in her home, making your meals, washing your Subway uniform and everything in between. What does your wife/girlfriend have to say about all this? I’m sure you’re not single with all that swagger you bring to the table.
Maybe you should work Monday through Friday and do the acting thing on the weekend.  If an audition should fall on a weekday, ask for that day off. Seriously, pay attention to this last bit of advice. If you want your mom to treat you like an adult, act like one.

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