Dear Shae, Why are dogs so stupid?

- Frustrated by this b*#ch!

Dear FBTB,

Actually, I’m not Cesar Milan aka the “Dog Whisperer”, but I will answer this question as an untrained, dog trainer.

I don’t think dogs are stupid at all…Just like people you may run into a few crazy ones, but in general I think we could all learn from dogs. They’ve got this thing called “life” all figured out. I mean dogs have figured out how to have a great life without monetary means. Pretty much all they have to learn is piss and sh*t in the right place and life is golden, that and learn maybe a trick or two. That’s all they have to do and suddenly they have someone willing to bathe them, feed them, provide shelter, take long walks with them, buy them toys, sometimes even designer clothing, even provide for them the opposite sex to get some *Bow Chicka Bow Wow’s out if you catch my drift. Seriously…when was the last time someone you loved bought you a vagina? Dogs greet each other and know everything there is to know by sniffing each others butts. Imagine walking up to a girl in a bar, smelling her ass and then knowing based on that one interaction, that she is the ONE?!  Let’s say a dog chases its tail for ten minutes, we may think, “What a dumb animal, so easily entertained.” But guess what? I will watch a dog chase its tail and laugh and laugh and the dog is thinking, “What a dumb animal, so easily entertained…I’m gonna take a sh** now and you’re going to pick it up.” Dogs stay at home, sleep all day, eat and sleep, play and all they have to do in return is lick their masters’ face when they arrive home. Dogs lick their nuts and then you as the superior being smile as they lick your face after.

I don’t know what kind of problem you are having with your dog, but instinctively they are much smarter than you or I. I do watch enough of the Dog Whisperer to know that the reason dogs act out is because they feel they are dominant over you. Learn to stay calm and assertive…ssshhhhhtttt. Good boy.

Have a questions you’d like Shae to answer?