Dear Shae, What is love?
- Name Witheld
Dear Name Witheld,
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body. When common sense has completely left, well, that my friends is love. Common sense exploded out of my body when I met my wife. Something told me that she needed me in hers, that may or may not be true…but one thing is for certain, I definitely needed her in mine.
This March will be 13 years of marriage. 13 years of hard work. 13 years of pain and heartache with patches of happiness and joy. We survived losing her mom to cancer right off the bat and then almost losing our son to leukemia. (He is a survivor and Im watching him become a man and enjoying every little bit) The lack of health insurance caused rediculous financial debt. We lost our home, we lost “friends”, we lost “family”…but in the end we survived and would survive anything the world threw at us because we had each other.
Somewhere in there we added two more mouths to feed and a few more patches of happiness and joy. Things were looking up and just as quickly as it came, everything was gone, again, for the second time. And again we would get through this because we had each other. This would be tested again as I struggled with being bi-polar and spinal stenosis (in short I may lose the ability to walk). Then to hear cancer returning to meddle in our relationship. This time things felt different. We were dealing with our struggles seperately.
Then a couple weeks ago, a disagreement, over something so trivial explodes into divorce talks. Went as far as to actually contact attorneys and let outside people dictate what was to come. A lot of frustration and loss of hope can put a lot of resentment on a relationship.
After some time alone, really alone for the first time in 13 years. I realized that I need to do more than just survive. We need to win, we need to beat this thing called cancer, the stenosis and we need to do it together. I love my wife and my family and I will do anything to keep this little tiny thread from unraveling. Ive realized that I stopped loving myself a while back and have started to understand the term, “Love comes from within”. Silly, that it took all this time to realize since it seems to be common sense. But then again like I said, I truely love my wife and common sense went out the window a long, long time ago.