Rant: The Uni-Boob Gown

Yes, you heard that right. A boob gown. Alta Rome, Rome’s version of Fashion Week, tends to draw some of the quirkiest and most eccentric fashion designers our planet can boast. They’re definitely not Milan, London, or even New York, but they show more skin and innovation that many of the most esteemed Fashion Weeks. But, there was one dress that went beyond quirky, beyond eccentric, beyond flamboyant, and even beyond bizarre.

Now, don’t get me wrong, this dress wasn’t the only weird dress that Alta Rome showed us. There was one dress with a skirt made up of umbrellas, one that was a gigantic broken heart, and another of designer Gianni Molaro’s odd creations was worn by the woman who supplied the music for the show. She wore a red… well, dress doesn’t really describe it accurately, seeing as how the skirt of the ‘dress’ looked like a tentacle from a giant squid. She was hung by a bell hop’s trolley in her red squid gown as she played her electric violin.

But, the most bizarre dress of Molaro’s, by far, was the uni-boob gown, a nude colored dress which sported a gigantic boob sewn on the chest. It looked like your average weird dress while the model had her straight jacket covered arms crossed over her chest; but when she put her arms down, the crowd caught site of the real show stopper: what had to be the equivalent of a Size FFF breast. Yeeeeeah…

You know, I’m thinking I should go into fashion design. Yep, mm-hmm… cause if this is all it takes to wow some rich people in suits, then I’ll just wrap a chick in duct tape, glue jelly beans to her nipples, and call it good.