I thought it would be appropriate that my first blog should be about the 13 main types of people on Facebook, since FB is how I ended up here in the first place. I mean, I could go further back and write about my dad’s semen because that’s how I really got here but due to time constraints, blah, blah, blah….

So here you go…”The 13 main types of people on Facebook”

#1. The “Lurker” – Never posts anything or comments on your post, but reads everything, and might make reference to your status if they see you in public.

#2. The “Hyena” – Doesn’t ever really say anything, just LOLs and LMAOs at everything

#3. The “Mr/Ms Popular” – Has 4,367 friends for NO reason

#4. The “Prophet” – Every post makes reference to God or Jesus.

#5. The “Thief” – Steals status updates…and more than likely will steal this article.

#6. The “Liker” – Never actually says anything, but always clicks the “like” button….Like, Like, Like.

#7. The “Hater” – Every post revolves around someone hating on them, and they swear people are trying to ruin their life.

#8. The “Anti-Proofreader” – This person would benefit greatly from Spellcheck, and sometimes you feel bad for them because you don’t know if they were typing fast, or really can’t spell. I find it interesting that most of these people are educators.

#9. The “Drama Queen/King or Attention Seeker” – This person always posts stuff like “I can’t believe this!”, or “They’re gonna make me snap today!”, or something else purposefully cryptic in the hope that you will ask what happened, or what’s wrong…but then they never finish telling the story! If you don’t want to talk about it, then why post????

#10. The “Womp Womp” – This person consistently tries to be funny…but never is. This person usually almost always comments and likes his own status.

#11. The “News” – Always updates you on what they are doing and who they are doing it with, no matter how arbitrary. “Found a snag in my sweater, so I’m going to cut it.”

#12. The “Rooster with a Calendar” – Feels that it is their job to tell Facebook “Good Morning” every day and also feels the need to let me know what day it is. I Hate Mondays, Happy Humpday, TGIF!!! etc, etc…

#13. The “Facebook DJ” – Every post is a YouTube video attached to a lame quote about how this takes them waaaaaaay back to 1996 or any other year that makes you feel older than dirt despite the fact that youre in your 30’s. F*ck off, just because I remember Andy Gibb does not make me a dinosaur.

I f*ckin loved Andi Gibb and his coked out smile.

4 thoughts on “The 13 Types of People on Facebook


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