How Not to Lose Yourself In A Relationship

Being in a good relationship with can be amazing. You get along great, love doing the same things, hang out constantly and even finish each other’s sentences. It couldn’t be better. In the relationship, everything is wonderful. The problem lies outside of the boundary of what has become a singular unit. You can’t get anything done. Your social life, home, work and family life are all suffering the wrath of you being totally consumed by this person’s needs, wants and desires. It’s not their fault by any means that you can’t finish any of your tasks, they are deliciously distracting is all. How can you balance all of your personal goals and needs without changing the dynamic of the relationship?

Couple sitting on sofa with arms folded, looking angry

A Hard Thing to Explain

If you tell your partner that you need “space” to work on your life, it’s going to sound like you are breaking up with them or about to. That is the problem that many people face when they wish to vocalize their own needs. They are worried about it coming off selfish and pushing the other person away. It’s a legitimate concern. Any separation of self from the couple sounds like a breakup in our society. Solo time away from the relationship is healthy however, continuing to better yourself makes you a better person for your partner. You need to explain to your significant other that you love them and are able to be such a steadfast and reliable partner because you take such good care of yourself and meeting your own needs.


Friends Night Out

Having a separate Girls/Boys night out once a week can really help the relationship. It will show each of your partner’s friends that you respect his/her prior relationships with other people. That goes a long way in them encouraging the relationship in a positive way. You want your partner’s friends to like you as they are the ones that they trust. Vice versa, you want your friends to like them as well. You don’t want it to appear that since you started seeing someone that all of your friendships went out the window. Having a friends night out also gives you something to talk about when you get back together. You could even set a designated place to meet up for a drink later in the evening to add something to look forward to all night.


Keep Your Hobbies

If you have a Wednesday night softball league keep it. Who you are is what made your significant other fall in love with you in the first place. They want someone who has hobbies, interests and goals that make them unique. We all do. If you spend every second together, your conversations begin to get dull and instead of sharing new facts and information, you begin talking about wallpaper and dinner. That is the trap that many couples fall into. You need to be supportive of their extracurricular activities as well.

StayWell PHSS stock photography. Instructor - lecture.

Take a Class

Take a class in something that you enjoy or enhance your career skills by learning something new. Taking advantage of new learning opportunities makes you feel good about yourself and that enthusiasm shows through to your partner. They will enjoy all the new things that you are teaching them as well.


Meet Up After Activities

After you do a designated activity separately, meet at home or out and discuss it. The more interesting things you have to share with your partner, the more intriguing they will find you. They fell in love with the total package that is you. Continue to enjoy everything you did when you first met and your relationship will be smooth sailing.

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