Thanks to Twitter us uknown, common mortals get to know what the gods in Mount Olympus (and their stupid parents) are doing, thinking, eating, whether that bean salad they had makes them gassy, whether they had a wedgie or… that they can’t focus on the road because their slutty daughter’s boobs are distracting them.

To explain, this is what Jessica Simpson’s mom Tina twittered to her sister Ashley a few days ago: @AshSimpsonWentz. Driving home in my GWagon with Jess…both are fast and top heavy! 7:48 PM Apr 14th from Yatca

Back in 2004, Jessica’s dad told GQ: “Jessica never tries to be sexy. She just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she’s sexy in both. She’s got DOUBLE Ds! You can’t cover those suckers up!”

Embarassing? Sure. Weird? You bet. Logical? Absolutely. They are just paying homage to the puppies that got them out of the cow ranch in Texas…now about the “fast”  aka “my daughter is a slut” comment, sorry, you got us there…

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3 thoughts on “Jessica Simpson's parents are just plain weird

  1. Sheinhart Wigs says:

    “Fast & Top Heavy” is actually a metaphor for somethingelse less obvious but still relevant.
    Too be Fast and Top Heavy in the south means a Hard-headed person who is quick to judge.


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