Jesus, where the hell do we even start with this crapfest of a story. The official word is still that Charlie Sheen was only in a hospital yesterday because of a “hernia he got from laughing too hard”, and yet, today he “voluntarily” entered an unnamed rehab clinic, causing the CBS show Two and a Half Men to be put on a temporary hiatus. It was also reported that porn star Melanie Rios was the other one-fifth of Charlie Sheen’s five layered hooker sandwich (Kacey Jordan being the other porn star mentioned so far). Adrienne Maloof-Nassif of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and her husband Dr. Nassif are the ones who called 911 for Charlie. They live near Charlie and they got a call from someone at his house asking for medical advice.
The Hollywood Reporter reports on the hospitalization statement:
One friend of Charlie Sheen has the most unusual reason for the actor’s hospitalization on Thursday — the Two and a Half Men star was laughing too hard.
Steve Brodersen, identified as Sheen’s friend by Extra, told the program that Sheen suffered a hernia injury while laughing too hard at the television from his home.
The report continues that Sheen may need surgery as soon as tomorrow to repair the hernia. Brodersen said that Sheen told him from the hospital bed, “I’m not dying.”
Meanwhile, Kacey Jordan – the porn star who tweeted a picture of her crotch while at Charlie’s house – describes the revelry that preceded the hospitalization:
She arrived at Charlie’s mansion and was greeted by several other girls. “He was like, ‘you’re the missing puzzle piece. I need a blonde.'” Kacey was holding a bottle of vodka when Sheen “grabs it from my hands — and I love the guy, right? — grabs it, and chugs it in like three seconds, and is like ‘Don’t ever test me again.'” Eventually “it was too much, and that time of night, when everyone is too drunk.” Time for bed? Time for “a phone call. For the drugs!” A man with a Gucci bag materializes and dumps “like, five eight-balls, huge, the size of my fist! We’re talking, like, 20 grand of coke.” Apparently crack was involved, too, but Kacey didn’t seem to know what it was: “[Charlie] had this green pipe, it looked like a bong for weed, but then he took a chunk, because it was a rock? And he sliced it off, and he shoved it inside, and starts smoking it. Smoking the coke!” They really did watch TV. Mostly porn: “He has so much porn. A huge theater. I think that’s all he does, sits there and watches porn.” Charlie didn’t have sex with anyone, just “sat there with his little green pipe, and smoked it.”
Kacey Jordan also commented that she didn´t contact her lawyers due to all the cocaine mess, as we assumed yesterday. But because she is a gold digging whore and wants a Bentley Charlie had promised her. RadarOnline reports:
“Ok for all the f**king haters… I’m getting a baby blue convertible Bentley next month so I dunno…HUSH fml,” the 22-year-old porn star wrote on her Twitter account Wednesday afternoon.
Sources confirmed to RadarOnline.com that the Two and a Half Men star made numerous promises to the porn stars he was partying with.
“My life has changed… Speechless :)” Kacey wrote.
Seems Kacey may have gotten her hopes up in the aftermath of Charlie’s hospitalization – just like the porn stars that came before her, she’s hired a lawyer.
Charlie also apparently wanted to start up his very own porn family, which sounds like the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. TMZ reports:
During the [36 hour] boozefest, Charlie agreed to rent out George Santo Pietro’s giant estate for four months – at the rate of $250k per month – while George goes away on an upcoming trip to Thailand.
And why does Sheen need an extra mansion? Charlie explained that he wants to start a “porn family” – and he wants the “actresses” to all live in the same house. One big, smutty family.
The next morning, Sheen’s people found out about the deal and were “furious” – and immediately put a stop to the plans.
Right OK, we think that is all of it… for now at least while Charlie sleeps it off in a rehab clinic. But, it’s almost a given that there will be a beefy encore of this post again next week when Charlie does it all over again.