Martha Stewart had to go to the emergency room yesterday morning after her bitch split her upper lip when Martha interrupted her beauty sleep. She explained in a post on her blog today about how she caught a sleeping Francesca (her dog) by surprise when she leaned down to whisper a sweet goodbye into her dog’s ear:

As I leaned down to whisper goodbye to a dozing Francesca, I must have startled her, because she bolted upright with such force that she hit me in the face like a boxing glove hitting an opponent’s face. I was entirely startled and my neck snapped back. I felt a bit of whiplash as blood gushed forth from my split lip. Frannie was as upset as I was and cowered in her bed.

Humm, “Cowering” you say? Or secretly plotting the next attack?

How can we be sure that Martha isn’t operating an illegal dog fighting operation out of her home in Bedford Hills to make extra cash? This dog may be trained to be aggressive. Lord knows what nasty habits she picked up in the big house. She’s probably running an illegal immigrant operation…enticing working class girls from East Asia into the United States to force them into prostitution….pushing hard drugs on school kids….the dog fighting ring is probably just the tip of the iceberg of her illicit activities.

While Martha laid there in the hospital getting her upper lip stitched she found the time to snap this picture of the Hospital’s wallpaper so she could later blog about how it wasn’t aesthetically pleasing enough for her. No, we aren’t making this shit up…

Now Francesca, would like you to meet Gwyneth…

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