The Day Before The Super Bowl

Let me guess. You probably woke up really early today and tried to beat the crowd at the store, right? You waited until the last day to get snacks for your party, and now you are in full panic mode. You are rushing down the aisles, hip checking every grandma that dares to get in your way. “TOSTITOS! TOSTITOS! WHERE ARE THE TOSTITOS?” you scream. A polite woman to your right says; “There are none left. But they have some goldfish over there” you slowly turn to her and say; “Oh, do they? Do they? That’s great. Maybe I’ll pick some up after I go buy some apple juice and blankets for nap time.”

You have turned into a monster. A snack obsessed monster and nothing is going to get in your way. Then, you make your way to the dip aisle…oh the dip aisle. Bean dip, cheese dip, spinach dip, low-fat bean dip. You stand there confused and afraid, like a lost little puppy that is miles away from home. Finally, you just close your eyes and pick one from the shelf, but when you open your eyes — you realize you picked up the spinach dip. Go on and put it back for the bean dip, we all know that is what you are going to do anyway.

Three hours later you manage to stumble your way back home. You just blew $300 on a bunch of snacks that will be gone before halftime. But, who cares? It’s the freaking Super Bowl!

Now you are in the kitchen, stocking up the fridge with beer and soft drinks. Things are starting to look like they might actually come together, but then your girlfriend walks into the room. She walks right up to you and kisses you. “RED FLAG! RED FLAG!” You scream in your head. She never just walks in the room and kisses you. She wants something…

After the kiss, she comments on how good you smell today. “Good? I haven’t even showered…oh this is bad. This is really bad.” you think to yourself. “What do you want?” you ask her. She goes on this long spiel about how she thinks it’d be a delightful idea if everyone showed up to the party dressed as their favorite player. Right away you recognize how horrible that idea sounds, but you can’t show your disgust. You tell her that you’ll think about it, but never mention it again. Crisis averted.

And that is all before noon.

The rest of the day is spent on the phone, answering questions from your friends. Larry wants to make sure no peanuts are mixed in with the chips because he is allergic. Dylan wants to make sure that Lisa isn’t going to be there because he “hit it and quit it.” And, John called five times making sure you got bean dip and not that disgusting spinach dip.

Why do you put yourself through this every year? Because it’s the Super Bowl! When you successfully pull off the best Super Bowl party on the block, it will all be worth it.

Keep your head up…