Remember all those cheezy romantic movies (not that we watch them, we have others watch them and report back to us) where the guy pretends to be gay so that he can befriend a hot chick with the eventual goal of revealing to her that his penis is not so gay and would like to be best friends and have a tea party with her vagina?

Well, Mario Lopez is doing something similar with Eva Longoria (although we’re certain he is a bit confused and deep down he also has a crash on dancing boys in tights. Actually he might be a trisexual because he also nurtures a crash on himself…no, wait, scratch that, that’s called narcicism).

Anyhoo, darling Eva was celebrating her 34th birthday at her restaurant Beso on Monday sans hubby, and Mario was there to make sure the birthday girl didn’t feel the void.

Tony, wake up, it doesn’t take a manly man to steal your wife away from you…Mario Lopez could be the closet bi that could…so don’t say we didn’t warn you.