Can I call you George? Probably not, but who cares. It’s not like you will ever read this, or better yet, even respond to it. I remember going to the movies with my dad back in 1977…we drove in his yellow Toyota pick up truck…you know…like the one from Toy Story?…even down to the “YO”… to Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood, Ca. I remember standing in the longest line I have ever seen.
There was an excitement in the air and nothing past or present can compare to it. When we finally got to the front of the line momentum continued to build as I came across the largest Star Wars posters my little eyes had ever seen. My Dad told me that I was about to watch one of the most amazing movies of my life.
Ok, so back to 1977. He bought me popcorn and a small coke as we settled into our seats. Finally, the lights dimmed as a hush traveled through the packed theatre. I don’t remember the previews, but I do remember the roar of cheers as the fanfare from 20th Century Fox came up on the screen. It was followed by a cheesy, early version of your Lucafilm Limited logo and then the most amazing movie score ever. It only got better from there…suddenly there were these words flying up the screen that I couldn’t read at the time because I was only 3 years old. Then suddenly appeared the most gigantic spaceship ever, followed by yet again, another most gigantic spaceship ever! Fast forward two hours later as the end credits began to roll, I knew I had seen something amazing and memorable.
Years later you came out with the prequels and my eldest son was able to experience Star Wars at the movies with his Dad, me. It was again, truely amazing and memorable to share in a galaxy, far, far away for the second time in my life. We are a family of Star Wars fanatics because of it.
Even my wife is a fan, I have a picture somewhere of her 9 months pregnant wearing my Stormtrooper helmet in the kitchen. She’s actually more like Darth Vader, but let’s just leave it at that.
I’m sure if you haven’t already, by now you must be asking, “What is your f*ckin point?!” I can hear those exact words, in your voice echo, in my head because I actually have a friend who personally knows you, and she says you’re kind of a dick. So anyways, the point to all this Zuckus, (see what I did there? I was going to put ‘ruckus’, but thought the name of one of the Bounty Hunters from Episode V was more fitting to keep with the whole Star Wars theme. Effing hilarious.)
Ok, George, the point is…Why do you want to hurt me? It started with all the remakes, Special Edition this, Special Edition that. Then you hired all these crappy actors to portray these iconic characters. Let’s face it, your CG characters have better acting chops. Hold on before you start to argue, I’m not finished. I let all that crap go…I even bit my tongue as you messed with the Original Trilogy. Really? Did Luke really need to scream like a bitch while falling, after getting his hand cut off by Vader? That was some Taun-Taun sh*t.
Then a couple weeks back as I’m watching the Superbowl, I see Darth Vader pitching for Volkswagon???? (Though I have to admit, last years commercial was great! Kudos.) Now you’re re-releasing the movies all over again in 3D????? Which will undoubtebly be followed by box sets, and more Special Editions, etc, etc. When will you just stop George? You’re ruining my childhood and some special memories that go along with it.
You know how certain events happen and they carry such an impact you know exactly where you were when it happened? And who you were with? Like when Bin Laden was shot and later turned into fish chum? Everyone remembers where they were. I know exactly where I was and who I was with when I first saw Star Wars…The first time Darth Vader revealed to Luke, “No, I am your father…”, the first time I saw AT-AT’s walking on Hoth, the first time I saw Yoda whip out a lightsaber, or Darth Maul pull one out that had two blades…I’ll stop here so I don’t lose my female fan base, but you get my drift right George? You understand what I’m getting at right George? Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry? Huh? Well do ya George?