It may never get critical acclaim, but dammit, the Lindsay Lohan speaks to our hearts! (And when we say “out hearts,” we mean “our dicks.”) The porno, starring Scarlett Fay, is pretty much what you’d expect: nakedness, sex, cigarettes, fake(?) cocaine, and lots and lots of alcohol. Before you start looking down your nose at Scarlett, though, just remember – she has a job and isn’t in rehab. … unlike the slutty celeb she is portraying.

Who is the loser NOW, bitch?

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